Monday, October 24, 2016

Capture Your Grief ~ Day 23

Day 23: Sounds, Seasons + Scents
October 23, 2016 

Day 23. Sounds, Seasons + Scents: There are reminders of our children everywhere. We find them in songs, in scents, and different seasons. Share the things that bring you closer to your children. Feel free to share a song that reminds you of them.

Each season holds sounds, scents, and feelings that remind me of Lily for a different reason... thinking of her time on Earth or all her life would be holding with each new season and year.

Fall reminds me of my pregnancy, seeing her and hearing her heart for the first time, feeling her kick, and my love growing along with my belly.

Spring is a bittersweet time of year. It reminds me of the time Lily came...and went. She was born just days before spring started. 

In the first few weeks after losing her, all the flowers were blooming beautifully and the sun grew warmer on my skin. The birds were happily chirping along, preparing nests for their wee ones. It felt wrong that life was marching on and the seasons were changing, even though she wasn't there. It felt like everything was supposed to stop since her life had ended. 

With the promise of spring, came the promise of Lily. Like the new life bursting forth from the earth, Lily was new life. Spring and Lily...they came together. I see the hand of my God in choosing for her to be born right before the genesis of spring. He silently speaks with the vibrant colors, fresh smells, and the beauty of the season. There may be pain, there may be sorrow, there may be winter...oh, but in Him, we have the hope and the certainty that joy and spring are coming! 

With spring comes new life and fresh hope. Even here on Earth, the Lord is bringing beauty from ashes. There is spring even here, in this fallen world. 

She was born on March 16 (3:16) and yet again, He silently speaks His promise of spring...

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16 

Not only does God somehow, some magnificent way bring beauty and spring here on Earth, but He reminds me that spring is coming. Eternal spring

Some family friends named the Kirchmans gave me a bleeding heart plant at Lily's celebration of life/memorial service in March 2010. I remember when they first gave it to me thinking that the little pink hearts were a powerful reflection of my bleeding mother heart. My heart that bleeds both love and sorrow. And how perfect that hearts remind me of her and my Valentine's baby shower.

We planted the bleeding heart in Lily's memorial garden and each spring around her birthday, it blooms. It is something I look forward to in the spring... the time of year when she came, but never came home. It is a connection to March 2010. A connection to Lily.

Last spring, it appeared that the plant wasn't going to revive. But then it did... This bleeding heart is a reminder that though things may sleep through the winter, they come back in the spring! The spring is such a glorious time of hope and resurrection.

I am so thankful the Lord brought this little plant back to life. And even though it appeared it was gone forever, it was just sleeping. Lily might appear to be gone forever, but she is just asleep to this world... but forever alive in Jesus.

I'll end with this poem that reminds me of my sweet girl and the love I carry for her through every season:

My Little One, My Dear One, My Love
By Edward Searl

My little one, my dear one, my love,
you will be with me forever:
in the thin sunlight and long shadows
of a clear winter's day;
in the dawn excitement of birds
sounding in early spring;
in the rustle of heavy-leafed trees
in a mid-summer's night;
in the rich aromas and bright colors
of a warm autumn day.
All that is excellent,
brushed by Life's
brightness and shadow,
will remind me of you,
My little one, my dear one, my love.
You will beat with my heart,
see through my eyes,
hear with my ears,
feel on  my skin.
Because your soul is mingled with my soul, forever,
My little one, my dear one, my love.

-Click here to see all of my photos from CYG 2016.


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